Job Search Advice

I'm job hunting. In fact, I've made it my job to be aggressively looking for a good paying position that will also bring with it a measure of satisfaction. I don't want to make a commitment of investing my time and energy into something that holds little meaning. I want to know that my efforts are making a difference. Yes, I am being selective.

I've made huge strides in my efforts. I've gone to numerous interviews and sometimes multiple times for the same company. I've been asked for references and had my previous bosses and co-workers undergo detailed questioning about my capabilities and strengths and weaknesses -- as a team player, as an independent problem solver, as a dependable co-worker, and more. I've agreed to background checks. I feel confident that one of the opportunities I am striving for is on the edge of becoming a reality.

As I sit close to my phone, and I work with my email window open in the background -- just in case anything might come through at any moment -- I continue to investigate other job openings.

I can't sit back and wait. While my efforts to date appear to be heading in a positive direction, I can't count on it. I don't know what other prospects might be in competition with me.

I'm not sure why it is, but it has so often happened for me that when I start to mentally give up on a goal, hope or dream, it's then that things have sometimes moved in my favor. There may be nothing more to do on my end but wait for my most desired position. But while I'm playing the waiting game for that one to come through, I'll continue with efforts to make contact with similar organizations.

At some point, when conditions are right, everything will fall into place. I am confident of that.

With every door that closes, another one will open. The only constant in life is change... Yes, I know. A lot of idiomatic phrases. But these concepts certainly apply to my situation.

My messages here:

1. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. You don't know which path towards a goal is one the one that will eventually bring you to the destination that is right for you. And,
2. Don't give up. If you do, you'll stop the flow of positive energy. That will only keep you further from your goal.

There's one more statement I want to put out there: My daughter's karate class recites this at each and every class: Winners never quit. Quitters never win. I believe there's a whole lot of truth in that!

What You Give Comes Back to You

Something I've tried to instill into my children is that there is more joy in giving than receiving. And I don't mean that in reference primarily to material things. It's been a tough lesson for them to grasp, as my suggestions in this area of life have often met with resistance.

I think when it comes to raising children, "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."

The easy way would be if our children simply accepted our advice. The hard way is when they dismiss whatever wisdom we would like for them to absorb, simply because it came from a parent -- or most anyone in a position of authority. In choosing not to follow our advice, the hard way of learning is through personal life experience.

David visits with with his Aunt Kay

In my opinion, the greatest way to gain a sense of self-worth is to give of yourself to others.

Some examples might be:

• Volunteering at a soup kitchen or food bank
• Spending quality time with the elderly or sick
• Help a friend move or settle into a new apartment
• Offer to babysit to give tired parents a break
• Help a struggling student with homework
• Do yard work for a neighbor who is disabled
• Cook a meal for someone who has just returned home from the hospital

Sean holds his baby nephew

Providing service of this nature will naturally boost your own self-esteem, as you'll feel gratification in the realization that your efforts can make a positive difference in the lives of others.

~ Getting Back ~

Opportunities surround us. Thinking creatively can sometimes open the door to new friendships and make for positive networking -- which is likely to be beneficial in our own lives.

For instance, say you would like to work in a bicycle shop, but you don't have much experience in the mechanics of repairing bicycles. One solution might be to propose to the shop owner that you help out at the shop for free. Yes, you'll probably have to sweep floors, clean a bathroom, stock shelves, and move bikes around. But, you may also have the opportunity to assist the bicycle mechanic and possibly learn how to properly true wheels!

You never know, but the elderly woman you spent time reading to because she no longer has her sight -- she could have a relative who doesn't have much time to spend with her because that person is overwhelmed with raising kids and trying to get a new business up and running. There could be an opportunity for a job there.

You won't discover what opportunities are out there until you make the effort. Make it a point to give of yourself. Make a difference.

Accepting our Humanness

Sunday was Easter, and Dave and I hosted the holiday dinner which included both of our families. I love having family over! The menu was carefully planned ahead of time, with consideration given as to who can eat what and who really likes this dish or that one, etc.

A couple of the dishes I included in our menu were new recipes. One was an appetizer that I thought would be especially wonderful, but it turned out to be not-so-fantastic.

Oh well.

On a another occasion a few months ago, I brought a special cheesecake dessert I made from scratch for a potluck, and unknown to me, when it was sliced, it became immediately evident that it was not baked all the way through. It sloshed out onto the plate as mush. Embarrassing.

I followed the recipe instructions perfectly in my mind, it was baked for exactly the right length of time, and I allowed for a slight "jiggle" when I pulled it out of the oven. I surely didn't want it to be over-dry and overcooked, and I thought that the jiggle I observed was desirable -- just as it was described in the cookbook!

Thankfully, my failed recipes don't happen too often. I've gained a reputation among family members on both sides for being a wonderful cook. I enjoy trying out new flavors and cooking techniques, and I'll admit, I  sometimes take the risk of trying such things for the very first time when there is an occasion to cook for.

As with anything in life, no matter how hard we try, failure is bound to happen. But one thing is also true: We tend to magnify our own shortcomings in our own minds, but it's not as likely that others will consider those things nearly as memorable.

So often, we strive for perfection. We look in a mirror and immediately focus on flaws... but just as that pimple on your cheek might ruin an evening out for you; others aren't even likely to make note of it -- and if they do, they're more likely to flashback to an instance when they may have had a similar issue going on, affecting their own sense of self-perception.

For my Easter dinner, I made ten dishes -- 3 choices of appetizers, a honey glazed ham with 4 unique sides for a main course, and I offered 3 different and delicious options for dessert. And, while I realized there were an awful lot of Thai shrimp appetizers still left untouched when picking up afterward, not a single guest commented. I guess there were too many other yummy things to enjoy! I received plenty of compliments.

Emphasizing failure does no good. Learn from mistakes, but get over it. We all make them, but don't let criticism get in the way. Freely try new things! And accept that you're human.

Appreciation: The Key to Happiness

I woke up very early one morning and the idea for doing this blog was in the forefront of my thoughts. I had just watched a television show, Moving Up, on TLC the previous day, and the story of one couple in particular stuck with me.

Moving Up follows a chain of new homeowners who have moved into one another's homes and begin the design and renovation process. The show fascinates me because I've always thought about what it might be like to go back to a home where I once lived and see what it looks like today. However, this episode had an impact on me in a different way.

One of the couples profiled on the show were lottery winners. My husband, David, has been buying lottery tickets lately, in the hopes that someday we might be able to buy a new tandem bicycle! And that does get the mind working sometimes with what ifs...  If we were ever fortunate enough to win a great deal of money -- not only what would we do with it, but how does something like that impact your life in larger ways?

The TV show made it appear that the lottery winning couple had exhausted all of their winnings in the purchase and renovation of  their new home. The home was stunning of course -- it looked like something out of a magazine -- very grand in ways most of us can only dream of! 

The cameras were brought through the home at the end to see all of the finished work, and the wife was caught making a snide comment about how her husband had purchased a refrigerator for their outside kitchen, but she did not get the hot tub she wanted... because they ran out of money. She was portrayed as a woman consumed in herself, her appearance, and her desires. She was not at all interested in helping out when it came to doing the work involved in renovating the big house they had purchased. During the renovation process, she was out getting her nails done while her husband was overwhelmed and overburdened with the realization that they had no more money left in their budget to complete projects that were unfinished all around them.

When they were brought back into their old home (which was smaller and not as lavish), the wife was in tears. She had everything she wanted there, it had been changed, and she was distraught over the loss.

While we can all fantasize about what we might be able do if we could be fortunate enough to come into big winnings, let's not overlook the value in what we have now.

I've gone through two divorces -- the first one after twenty years. At that point in time, I was a homeowner with a beautiful house on two acres of land in a country setting. We had a yard full of flowers, a big back deck, and a pool. I had a wonderful dog and ducks in the back yard. Each of my children had their own bedroom. We owned a boat and a motorcycle, and lawn tractor for cutting the grass. It was perfect -- with material things I had always wanted.

But my relationship with my life partner was not perfect. There was abuse, manipulation and cruelty.

When I made a decision to change my life, I lost my beautiful home. The boat that was always sitting on a trailer in the driveway one day disappeared. My ex burned his own motorcycle in a fire, and he chopped up an antique highchair (which I was given as a child) in front of me on my birthday. Other items that were ordered to be given to me by the court came to me damaged. Furniture was gouged; my clothing was soaked in bleach.

My second marriage was clearly an escape. I may have looked to him for protection, but that man was terribly insensitive. When it came to material things, we owned nothing, and the IRS was on his back. We rented, and most anything we needed came from auctions and yard sales. I was an emotional mess for the duration of that marriage -- which was short. Coming out of it all, I grew as a person. I learned to let go of attachments to physical things.

David & Karen

Today, I have a life partner who has brought a sense of true happiness and excitement into my life. It doesn't come from having the greatest things. We live frugally. We can't afford a lot of the extras, and we still dream about someday getting a new tandem bicycle...  It's in David's smile and his sense of fun and random silliness where I find I'm happy just being around him. His positive attitude and eagerness to jump into new projects, and his sense of spontaneity offer me pleasant surprises and joyfulness! Add to that, it's the way he always shows appreciation for what I do too. I am grateful.

And that's what I believe is key to happiness -- appreciation.

Yes, being financially comfortable would allow us to live an easier lifestyle in many ways. But I will always find peace and contentment in appreciation of the simplest things: my daughter's smile, our dog's wagging tail, and the Sterling stars overhead.