Appreciation: The Key to Happiness

I woke up very early one morning and the idea for doing this blog was in the forefront of my thoughts. I had just watched a television show, Moving Up, on TLC the previous day, and the story of one couple in particular stuck with me.

Moving Up follows a chain of new homeowners who have moved into one another's homes and begin the design and renovation process. The show fascinates me because I've always thought about what it might be like to go back to a home where I once lived and see what it looks like today. However, this episode had an impact on me in a different way.

One of the couples profiled on the show were lottery winners. My husband, David, has been buying lottery tickets lately, in the hopes that someday we might be able to buy a new tandem bicycle! And that does get the mind working sometimes with what ifs...  If we were ever fortunate enough to win a great deal of money -- not only what would we do with it, but how does something like that impact your life in larger ways?

The TV show made it appear that the lottery winning couple had exhausted all of their winnings in the purchase and renovation of  their new home. The home was stunning of course -- it looked like something out of a magazine -- very grand in ways most of us can only dream of! 

The cameras were brought through the home at the end to see all of the finished work, and the wife was caught making a snide comment about how her husband had purchased a refrigerator for their outside kitchen, but she did not get the hot tub she wanted... because they ran out of money. She was portrayed as a woman consumed in herself, her appearance, and her desires. She was not at all interested in helping out when it came to doing the work involved in renovating the big house they had purchased. During the renovation process, she was out getting her nails done while her husband was overwhelmed and overburdened with the realization that they had no more money left in their budget to complete projects that were unfinished all around them.

When they were brought back into their old home (which was smaller and not as lavish), the wife was in tears. She had everything she wanted there, it had been changed, and she was distraught over the loss.

While we can all fantasize about what we might be able do if we could be fortunate enough to come into big winnings, let's not overlook the value in what we have now.

I've gone through two divorces -- the first one after twenty years. At that point in time, I was a homeowner with a beautiful house on two acres of land in a country setting. We had a yard full of flowers, a big back deck, and a pool. I had a wonderful dog and ducks in the back yard. Each of my children had their own bedroom. We owned a boat and a motorcycle, and lawn tractor for cutting the grass. It was perfect -- with material things I had always wanted.

But my relationship with my life partner was not perfect. There was abuse, manipulation and cruelty.

When I made a decision to change my life, I lost my beautiful home. The boat that was always sitting on a trailer in the driveway one day disappeared. My ex burned his own motorcycle in a fire, and he chopped up an antique highchair (which I was given as a child) in front of me on my birthday. Other items that were ordered to be given to me by the court came to me damaged. Furniture was gouged; my clothing was soaked in bleach.

My second marriage was clearly an escape. I may have looked to him for protection, but that man was terribly insensitive. When it came to material things, we owned nothing, and the IRS was on his back. We rented, and most anything we needed came from auctions and yard sales. I was an emotional mess for the duration of that marriage -- which was short. Coming out of it all, I grew as a person. I learned to let go of attachments to physical things.

David & Karen

Today, I have a life partner who has brought a sense of true happiness and excitement into my life. It doesn't come from having the greatest things. We live frugally. We can't afford a lot of the extras, and we still dream about someday getting a new tandem bicycle...  It's in David's smile and his sense of fun and random silliness where I find I'm happy just being around him. His positive attitude and eagerness to jump into new projects, and his sense of spontaneity offer me pleasant surprises and joyfulness! Add to that, it's the way he always shows appreciation for what I do too. I am grateful.

And that's what I believe is key to happiness -- appreciation.

Yes, being financially comfortable would allow us to live an easier lifestyle in many ways. But I will always find peace and contentment in appreciation of the simplest things: my daughter's smile, our dog's wagging tail, and the Sterling stars overhead.